Better Responses

You know that scene in Terms of Endearment when Patsy takes Emma/Debra Winger to lunch with her high society friends in New York and they all start talking about their "stuff" and then she passes around pictures of her kids? Afterward, she talks with her best friend...

- You told them, didn't you? - Yeah, you don't mind, do you?

Of course not.

Emma, come on. They're jerks. They don't know anything.

- Why do they act like that? - Emma, talk to me!

It's not you. I don't care. I don't mind them knowing.

In less than two hours, two of them told me that they'd had abortions.

Three of them told me they were divorced.

One hasn't talked to her mother in four years.

And the one that has little Natalie in a boarding school

because she has to travel for her job?

Hell, Patsy!

Oh, the one with the yeast disease that thought she had vaginal herpes?

If that's fit conversation for lunch,

what's so god-awful terrible about my little tumors?

Yeah, of course, but... what do you want me to do?

I want you to tell them it ain't so tragic!

People do get better.

Tell them it's OK to talk about the cancer!

Patsy tells us you have cancer.

We should talk later.

I'm a nutritionist, and my husband's with Ticketron.

Thanks, Patsy.

This is one of my favorite scenes of this tear jerker I've watched over a dozen times to be sure. So, when I got my diagnosis, under Emma's influence I immediately began talking to anyone that showed the slightest interest, even strangers. It was surreal to me and I guess that saying the words over and over somehow made it seem more "real". To accept it and move forward... it had to be real, right? Well, it wasn't long before I began feeling much differently. Now, I wasn't so sure I wanted to talk about it, at all. I want NORMAL back. Date night without distraction. An evening among friends sharing pics of our grand babies. As a result of my talking about it, kind and well intentioned people are compelled to "love on me" with a hug and by either sharing their personal journey, offering advice, committing to prayer, or encouraging me to have hope. Sadly, I am having trouble navigating the best response. I'm feeling a bit awkward accepting their kindnesses. I  am keenly aware of how blessed I am to have family and friends praying for me... but this is feeling way too real! I'm going through a phase where my blunt honest comments have offended even my own mom who is just as scared as I am. I'm very sorry for that. I am working on better responses. Please share some grace.

More to come...